At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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