I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
