my mouth tastes like poor choices
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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