Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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