Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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