he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
