If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
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