I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
