I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
