He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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