they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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