he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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