i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize