i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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