This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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