Kareoke will never be a sober sport
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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