Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
