I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
When are your genitals available?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize