I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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