so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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