I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
