good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
