I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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