1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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