Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
