No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Randomize
