Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
