How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
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