Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
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