He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
