It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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