no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
