I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
