You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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