Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
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The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
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My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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