I heard we made out
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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