her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
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