You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
