I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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