He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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