I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
