You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
