Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
