oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Randomize
