just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Randomize
