Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
There's always time for handjobs
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
