Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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