Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
