mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
