she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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