I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
