My liver just broke up with me...
i barfeds in our rink
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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