The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
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Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
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I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
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