Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I made him laugh his dick is mine
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
