No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I supernannyed him into submission
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