no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
