he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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