he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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