I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
