to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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