Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
