I hate all girls vehemently.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
