I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
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