Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
