I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.