There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
