I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
im six kinds of drunk right now
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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