I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
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