I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
